I came across this list of Gentle Resolutions for the Grieving which were adapted from Adapted from New Year’s Resolutions for the Grieving by Ronnie Walker. As we enter the new year, thinking about the things we want to change, for those confronting the realities of loss and grief, the following list might inspire one to take a different approach to the challenges that a death can bring for the mourner.
Gentle Resolutions for the Grieving
– That I will grieve as much, and for as long, as I feel like grieving, and that I will not let others put a time table on my grief.
~That I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should not be acting.
~That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should be “brave” or “getting better” or “strong.”
~That I will talk about my loved one as often as I want to, and will find people who know how to listen.
~That I will not blame myself for my loved one’s death, and that I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job I could possibly have done. But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it, too, will pass.
~That I will communicate with my loved one in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won’t feel compelled to explain this to others or to justify or even discuss it with them.
~That I will try to eat, sleep, and exercise every day in order to give my body the strength it will need to help me cope with my grief.
~To know that I am not losing my mind and to remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy, and a sense of vulnerability are all normal parts of the grief process.
~To know that I will survive and heal, even though it may take a long time.
~To let myself heal and not to feel guilty about feeling better.
~To remind myself that grieving is a process and that I may not make steady upward progress. There will be good days and bad days. When I find myself feeling stuck, I will remind myself feeling that way is normal.
~That I will reach out at times, and try to help someone else, knowing that helping others will help me cope with my grief and grow more resilient.
~That even though my loved one is dead, I will opt for life when and as I am able.
Adapted from New Year’s Resolutions for the Grieving by Ronnie Walker
Imagine is a free year-round children’s grief support center that serves NJ children age 3-18 and young adults 18-30 who are grieving the death of a parent or sibling, or who are living with a parent of sibling with a life-altering illness. Imagine also provides grief education and training for thousands of teachers, parents, coaches, youth and other adults annually.
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